I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
