Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
