i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
