The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry my hands just texted you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
