I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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