I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
