I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
