just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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