I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
