I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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