if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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