She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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