wanna go halves on a baby?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
