Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
