What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
