I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
