it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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