please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
