How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
