you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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