hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
