I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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