I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
