never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
soo... how was my night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
