my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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