i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
