Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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