i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
