Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
