Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
