sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
