Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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