It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
