Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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