ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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