But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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