The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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