After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
