chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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