I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
