my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
