Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
