Ambien. No doubt about it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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