I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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