This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
