I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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