Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
