Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
