What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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