i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize