i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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