The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
