How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
