It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
