I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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