Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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