Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
