Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
