so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
