just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
