I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
