Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
