Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
