I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
