i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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