i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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