I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my being single is dangerous.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
