Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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