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I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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