So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
