She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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