Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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