just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
