Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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