READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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