i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
the raccoons are back...
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