Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
