Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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