I got chris browned last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
did i just pee glitter
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
