you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
