Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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