i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
