We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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