just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
