Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
